Is Your Story Killing Your Message?

My earliest lessons in storytelling came from my Value Education teacher. Stories were her medium of teaching, making me her my favorite teacher.

However, this particular story, though memorable, completely missed the mark. It was supposed to teach me about sacrifice & selflessness but here’s what happened…

The noisy class fell silent as she began the tale of the Diego family. 

“Two beautiful twin daughters, a proud father & a loving mother – a portrait of familial love. But their happiness masked a harsh reality: crushing poverty, a dwindling income, and a looming birthday they couldn't afford to celebrate.

Desperation fueled the father's unthinkable decision. He'd promised his daughters a feast, and he would keep that promise. Returning home with a hidden bundle, emanating the rich aroma of cooked meat – a rare luxury – filled their home. He slipped away, a flicker of pain as he stood. "Just a long day," he told his wife, forcing a smile. His family ate with joyous abandon.

Later, the mother found him in the dim light. Not asleep, but pale as moonlight. The blanket beside him was soaked crimson, the mother discovered her husband, pale and bleeding. His leg... a ragged wound where a piece of him was simply gone. "For them," he rasped, barely a whisper…”

I felt a surge of nausea. Instead of thoughts on sacrifice or selfless love, my mind spiraled into a grotesque maze: how did they not recognize the taste? The health risks… the sheer madness of it all. My teacher's voice faded into the background.

The wrong anecdote can completely obliterate your message. On LinkedIn, where attention is fleeting, a compelling story can mean the difference between genuine connection and being ignored.

Why This Story Fails

• Emotional Mismatch: Sacrifice is a profound, universal concept, but the story's focus on gruesome self-mutilation evoked disgust, not the intended emotions of empathy or admiration. This emotional obstacle prevented me from connecting with the deeper message.

• Unrealistic & Illogical: Your audiences are willing to suspend some disbelief, but the practicality of the father's actions breaks that suspension. Questions about anything except the intended message will undermine the believability and pull focus away from the emotional impact.

• Obscures the Core Theme: The shock of the act, and the ensuing mental gymnastics, completely overwhelm any subtle messaging about sacrifice and selflessness. The audience is left grappling with the grotesque details, not pondering themes of sacrifice or selflessness.

The Revised Story

“…Their father ached to see his girls smile on their special day. So, while pretending to work extra shifts, he spent his days scouring the nearby forest for edible wild plants and setting traps for small animals. Late at night, he'd cook his meager catches, infusing them with foraged herbs to make them flavorful. Every morning, he delivered this secret bounty to his unsuspecting wife.

The day of the birthday arrived. In place of their usual simple fare, a surprising feast awaited the family – unusual stews, roasted roots. With every bite, the daughters beamed. 

Overcome with relief and guilt, the father quietly wept under a veil of fabricated exhaustion…”

Why This Works Better

• More relatable struggle: The focus shifts to the familiar struggle of making ends meet for a special occasion. This is more universally understandable than self-mutilation.

• Emotional focus: Empathy is built around the father's love and quiet self-sacrifice rather than gruesome action.

• Lingering questions: The story leaves room for thought. Why did he keep it secret? How did his wife eventually discover the truth? This draws the reader in.

• Supports the themes: The core elements of sacrifice and selflessness is deeply ingrained in the story.

Note:
Even with revisions, this story has an inherently bittersweet tone. So, consider your audience's general preference and the tone of your message before you craft an anecdote.

Your Checklist to Choose Better Anecdotes

• Start with Your Message, Then Find the Story: Always start with your core message. What do you want your reader to feel or understand? Choose a story that directly supports that goal.

• Aim for Emotional Resonance: Consider the range of emotions your story evokes. Do those emotions bolster your message or create conflict that distracts from it?

• Check for Clarity: Is there a single, easily understandable takeaway from your story? If the reader has to work to find the point, it's too complex.

• Respect Your Audience: Avoid stories that needlessly offend, shock, or make your audience uncomfortable.

• Ambiguous Endings: Don't leave your audience guessing the point. Tie up your anecdote with a clear connection to your message.

That’s it for today! See you next Saturday, same time.

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Poll: Do you think a shocking story is more memorable than a relatable one? Write back to me and let me know.